hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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