I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
