do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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