So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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