you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
