69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
