I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
