True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
