I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
