a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
