Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
