hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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