Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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