3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
