Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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