He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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