Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
