Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
