woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is my gift to your gina
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He? As in you personified your dick?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
