you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
