Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
