I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
