Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
