I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
