White coat. Heels.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
