Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
