This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
