Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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