Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
