So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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