Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
