We won't sleep together?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
