Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
