last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
