found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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