So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
