when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
