I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He did a backflip because drugs
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