sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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