Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
