I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Send help, water and tortillas.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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