i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
