My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
