My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
