goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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