She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
