walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
