Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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