alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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