you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
