I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
