You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you win again, gameday.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
