you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We need to rekindle our bromance
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
