Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
